whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
