i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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