I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
