you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
