i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
