You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize