he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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