I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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