So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
