Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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