Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
