This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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