and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
