I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
