hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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