If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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