the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
