Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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