Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We have started to decorate penises.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize