i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
