Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
