when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
