First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize