So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
