There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
