dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
