I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
