Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
