You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
