addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
