I wish life had little blips of pornography
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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