I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
