rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
