i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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