i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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