the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
