I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
