Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
