I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize