i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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