We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
