Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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