cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
