I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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