1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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