Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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