i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
