hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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