Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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