She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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