its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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