9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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