STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
