i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
