he shaved USA in his pubs
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
