you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
