Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
