You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
