my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
