billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
