i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
