At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
