her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
