ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
