Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just had sex bonerless
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
