I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
