the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
