so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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