he wants to bone in the snuggie
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
