Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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