it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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