Need sex. Gaining weight.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Damn victory sex feels great
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
