Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ladies don't puke and tell
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i think im in europe. pls send help
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
