I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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