And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
