just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
