Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
