How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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