you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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