I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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